A Woman Must Cultivate the Ability to 'Ignore Others
Ignoring Others” Doesn’t Mean Disrespecting Them, But Focusing on Your Inner World
“Having no regard for others” does not mean not caring about them or looking down on them with arrogance. It means no longer judging others based on their goodness, badness, right or wrong, beauty or ugliness, and instead turning all your focus inward to find tranquility and freedom. In youth, we often eagerly try to stand out and crave attention, wanting to be the center of others’ attention. But with time, we come to realize that being different is not always something worth pursuing. As we grow older, we begin to look inward, learning to detach ourselves from the noise of the external world and focus on the voice of our own hearts. This transformation is a shift from seeking external validation to self-reflection. The key is learning to “ignore others.” When I was younger, I thought “ignoring others” was a sign of poor manners, but later, I realized that it’s actually the beginning of maturity. When you are no longer swayed by others’ opinions and behaviors, that’s when you can truly be yourself.
I used to hear my elders talk about how they had “seen through the world” or “broken through the worldly illusions.” They equated the “world” to the “dust of life.” It wasn’t until I grew older that I realized the “dust” is not the world itself. What they had seen through was their own inability to solve their problems, and they found comfort in these words. The “dust” I understand now is the inner turmoil within oneself. The world is so beautiful that it doesn’t require you to “see through” it. What you need to see through is your own heart. Masters are masters because, in their eyes, there are no others—only themselves.
01. Learn to “See but Not See”
In life, we often encounter unpleasant people and situations. Some people will provoke you, some will plot against you, and some may maliciously harm you. Many people will choose to resist or try to change others. But in reality, these efforts are futile. As Shi Tiesheng said, growth is a process of being tempered. If you continue to see things from the “victim” perspective, you will never escape the negative cycle. Yesterday, my son was hit by his younger brother, and he asked me, “Mom, my brother hit me. Do you think he hit me or himself?” I thought it was such a trivial question and quickly said, “Of course, it’s you!” My son shook his head and patiently said, “Let me tell you another thing. Someone gave me a gift, but I didn’t accept it. In the end, whose gift is it?” I confidently said, “It’s theirs.” He then said, “Since you understand this principle, when my brother hits me, I won’t care. So, who is really hurt? The one who gets angry is the one who suffers.” He continued, “Just like the other day, my brother ate two more pieces of bread than I did. I was upset, but then I realized he’s happy eating it, and me being upset doesn’t change anything. Now I don’t feel bad anymore. These small things aren’t worth worrying about.” Wow! I, the mother, was so shallow! Let those trivial things pass. Once you stop letting these negative emotions affect you, you will see that life can be simple and beautiful.
02. Control Your Empathy
Many people, especially women, have a tendency to over-empathize with others. When they see someone sad, they can’t help but feel sad with them; when they see someone in trouble, they feel compelled to help. For instance, if a colleague complains about a heavy workload, a person with strong empathy may jump in to help, even though their own work is piling up. As a result, their own work gets done poorly, and they end up being criticized by their superiors. While kindness is admirable, excessive empathy can often lead to emotional exhaustion. After all, everyone has their own life, and we can’t truly feel someone else’s pain. Controlling empathy doesn’t mean being indifferent; it means first taking care of your own emotions. Focus more on yourself because you deserve all the love and attention.
03. Refuse to Meddle in Others’ Affairs
Many people like to “control” others, thinking they are always right and that others should live according to their ideas. But in reality, everyone has their own way of living, and we can’t truly change them. As Carl Jung said, “Don’t try to change others. Believe that everyone is their own savior.” Learn to respect others’ independence. Don’t carve flowers on decaying wood, prop up walls with rotten bricks, or flip over a salted fish. In the adult world, it’s about filtering, not changing.
04. Cultivating a Higher Level of “Ignoring Others”
People can be divided into three levels: ordinary people, capable people, and masters. Ordinary people always expect others to meet their moral standards and seek validation from others. This expectation is essentially a sign of insecurity. Capable people are able to see others as clearly as they see objects. They are not easily influenced by the outside world and may even subconsciously influence others. For example, in relationships, an ordinary woman might check her partner’s phone, while a capable woman wouldn’t, because she understands that such behavior is inherently a low-status act. True masters, however, only focus on themselves, and everything else is like air. They are not influenced by others’ judgments or behaviors. They understand that when they are swayed by external desires, they lose their energy and charm. This disregard for others is the highest level of self-confidence. Cultivating the ability to “ignore others” doesn’t mean becoming cold or indifferent; it means learning to better care for yourself. When we no longer let ourselves be troubled by external distractions, no longer exhaust our energy, and stop trying to change others, that’s when we become our true selves.
