Are you someone who has been labeled?

“If a person is too easy-going and focuses too much on personal qualities, it is easy for them to be taken advantage of and hurt. In this complex and chaotic world, the human heart is uncontrollable, and human nature is unreliable. Being too easy-going and compliant often leads to being labeled as a “pushover,” and one will inevitably be entangled in the troubles caused by unscrupulous individuals, leading to a more chaotic life and a decreasing sense of self-worth.

Do not allow others to label you easily, and you should not conform to this so-called “label.” Do everything with a clear conscience, without the need to prove anything to anyone or explain anything, and certainly without the need to prove your own character and integrity to others. Just be yourself, accept any evaluations and comments, even those that do not align with the facts, and gradually cultivate a strong inner self, living out your own character and value.

All the troubles in life do not come without reason. Upon careful reflection, you will find that all troubles are self-inflicted. Let go of the desire for attachment, let go of the need to explain, let go of pride, let go of self-esteem, and let go… When you let go of these shackles, all troubles will disappear on their own, and you will live very freely and happily.

In the novel “The Heartless,” there is a line: “It is unnecessary to be too easy-going, as the people and matters that consume you are not good people or things.” When conducting oneself and handling matters, one must have their own principles, bottom lines, and edges. In this way, you can truly live with confidence, not allowing yourself to be wronged, and not spoiling others.

Daring to refuse

I really like this statement: “In many things, it’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just my personal dislike. If I have to do it, it must be on my own terms and conditions.” Often, a person’s misfortune is due to being too soft-hearted and too kind, ultimately becoming a target for exploitation, manipulation, and even wanton destruction.

As Dong Qing once said: “If you are good without reservation, the other party will dare to be bad without restraint.” We must understand that if we never dare to refuse others, never dare to show our attitude to others, never dare to express our position, and even lack the courage to defend our own dignity, undoubtedly, it is ourselves who will ultimately be harmed, because those unscrupulous and malicious individuals will always take advantage of you and overstep their bounds.

Osamu Dazai wrote in “No Longer Human”: “My misfortune lies precisely in my lack of the ability to refuse; I fear that once I refuse others, it will leave an irreparable rift in our relationship.” One must be clear-headed and somewhat difficult in dealing with others, never allowing others to think that you are too easy-going and compliant. Always remember that your kindness, good intentions, and enthusiasm must come with sharpness. Even when necessary, if you need to refuse, do so immediately and decisively, without hesitation.

Daring to confront

I came across a question: Why should one learn to confront in life? Someone answered: “Many times, ‘confrontation’ represents your attitude and stance, your bottom line and principles, and more importantly, in interpersonal relationships, it represents the most basic right of a person: to be respected.”

It must be said that if you are too easy-going in real life and are labeled as “easy-going,” the other party will consider you too cheap and easy to bully. One should be kind, but also have boundaries and principles. Kindness without boundaries and principles will harm both oneself and others. From the perspective of the law of cause and effect, the kinder you are, the better your fate. However, everything must be kept in moderation; excessive kindness can lead to disaster. If kindness lacks sharpness and edges, others will consider you easy to use and will exploit and harm you even more. Ultimately, both you and others will be harmed.

There is a quote from writer Yu Hua that is quite enlightening: “When we treat the world with ferocity, the world suddenly becomes gentle and courteous.” Those who dare to confront will consider confrontation as their right. At crucial moments, they must be willing to exercise this right, using a firm attitude to avoid being consumed and refusing to be harmed by others. I strongly agree with the statement: Only those who dare to confront will give a meaningful smile. This way, one can live more independently, more securely, and with a clear conscience.

Being a person with “boundaries”

Cai Kangyong said: “Sometimes we need to be indifferent.” In this world, not everyone is worthy of your appreciation, and not everyone will acknowledge or like you. In a sense, a person must return to their inner world, first settling and taking care of themselves.

Gradually, you will gain a deep understanding of human hearts and human nature, a more genuine insight, and a more effective awakening. With this understanding, you will know how to conduct yourself and interact with others. You will understand that the attitude you present should be different for different people and different situations. One attitude cannot be used to handle all matters in life, otherwise chaos will ensue.

Settle yourself, settle your heart, and create a quiet and harmonious inner world. Live your life well, and face every challenge in life. The best attitude in life is: do not provoke trouble, and do not fear trouble. Actively face and resolve issues, and firmly remove any labels that others have given you. Live in the present, not wasting a single moment of time. Be the best version of yourself in every moment. Open wisdom through life experiences, and live freely in wisdom.”

If you want to learn more about meditation and Zen practice, it is recommended that you read the book “There are No Suffering,”which provides detailed information on the methods of meditation and Zen practice, effectively eliminating the pain and troubles in our lives.