Awakening in Relationships Through Meditation
Four Levels of Interpersonal Relationships
1.The First Level: Isolation
In relationships, emotional connection involves both giving and receiving. In the isolated state, there are issues with both. You neither receive nor give effectively, leading to greater isolation. You may find yourself emotionally blocked, unable to give, or incapable of receiving. Even if people surround you, you can’t connect with their hearts, so you won’t gain their support, and you might even experience emotional loss and depletion. This is the worst type of relationship—isolation.
2.The Second Level: Bad Connections
For example, when parents have overly high expectations for their children and are critical, it can lead to this level. Parents in this state cause their children to lack self-confidence and doubt themselves. Such children may long for parental approval and carry inner pain, feeling unrecognized by their parents, which affects their confidence even in social settings.
Similarly, in a workplace, if a boss is a perfectionist, with overly high expectations and constant criticism, employees will lose confidence. Their abilities are suppressed, creating more problems and leaving the boss increasingly overwhelmed. Eventually, the employees stop thinking for themselves, relying entirely on orders, and the responsibility for success or failure shifts to the boss, making the situation worse.
How to identify bad connections: If your confidence is shrinking, you’re less self-assured, hesitant, and increasingly avoid responsibility, you’re likely stuck in a bad connection.
3.The Third Level: False “Good” Connections
This is the opposite of the second level. Instead of constant criticism, someone is constantly protecting and pampering you, shielding you from every problem. Over time, this creates dependency, preventing personal growth. When parents overly protect their children, they establish a false “good” connection. Similarly, when spouses overly shelter each other, it stunts development. The person being protected loses their ability to grow and their capabilities gradually shrink.
All three levels—isolation, bad connections, and false good connections—drain energy. These relationships lack true connection and prevent happiness.
4.The Fourth Level: Genuine Connection
The fourth level is the relationship we should strive for. It involves a true connection where both parties give and receive. This type of relationship has three key characteristics:
- Mutual care
- Honesty
- Constructiveness
These traits may seem simple but are difficult to achieve. In a genuine connection, all aspects of communication—physical, emotional, and intellectual—are in balance, with both parties mutually supporting each other. This leads to true awakening and growth.
Great partnerships, like Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger, exemplify this level of connection. Both are wise, balanced thinkers and perfectly complement each other. They represent the ideal fourth-level relationship. When making friends, we should aim to establish such genuine connections.
How to Build Fourth-Level Connections
To build genuine connections at the fourth level, focus on these four points:
- Proactively seek help: Express your confusion, troubles, and weaknesses, and actively seek assistance.
- Reveal your needs: Don’t hide your true needs.
- Avoid the “Bermuda Triangle”: Steer clear of situations or dynamics that drain energy and create confusion.
- Choose trustworthy individuals: Build relationships with people who are worthy of trust.
In teams, departments should not be isolated from one another like deep wells. Instead, relationships should be built based on genuine connection. This fosters strength and growth within the organization.
The key to team building is to create connections where hearts are aligned. When minds connect like WiFi, everything functions smoothly. Finally, learning to select trustworthy individuals is essential for establishing genuine relationships, although those at the highest level of spiritual development should aim to help all people indiscriminately. For most of us, it’s best to choose wisely, based on specific standards.
