Don't Easily Try to Heal Others, Instead Change Yourself

In “The Bitterness and Joy of Self-Enlightenment,” Ji Xianlin wrote, “In the myriad circumstances of the human world, in suffering, joy, happiness, and worry, apart from self-enlightenment, no one can truly help.”

The truth is, no one can sail through life without facing difficulties, and one cannot always get what they want. Most of the time, a person can only rely on themselves to strengthen their overall abilities and capabilities, rather than spending their time and energy on lecturing, waking up, and trying to change others. These endeavors are likely to fail, and more often than not, they will lead to disappointment. Therefore, one should never believe that they can heal others.

You Can’t Wake Everyone Up

In reality, as people reach a certain age, they come to understand that in life, it’s better to give up trying to advise others with good intentions. Despite your warmth and kindness, they are not always effective and certainly not universally applicable. For most people, your enthusiasm and kindness are seen as a disturbance, even as an unwarranted interference. Therefore, remember this: there will always be some people who will never be awakened.

Just as Bi Shumin said, choose wisely, don’t waste your efforts on what is unsuitable. Even if you see others making mistakes and falling into traps, don’t rush to wake them up. It’s only through experiencing losses, facing difficulties, and enduring pain in real life that people can learn lessons, have epiphanies, and awaken. Many people cannot be awakened, so we must not be self-righteous or delude ourselves into thinking we can accomplish it. If you don’t heed this warning, you may eventually find that various setbacks will negatively impact your mindset, and you may even begin to blame others.

In the Analects of Confucius, it is written: “Admonish your friend privately, but praise him openly; and do not reproach him.” Sometimes, you can awaken others, but if they don’t appreciate it or listen, then it’s best not to advise them. Even if you are sincere and well-intentioned, it will only lead to self-inflicted humiliation. It’s important to realize that in this world, it’s not sincerity, kindness, or good intentions that truly awaken a person, but rather suffering and adversity.

As the writer Feng Ping said, “I have always believed that only suffering can truly make people remember.” Therefore, don’t be self-righteous, don’t try to awaken others, especially those who are already pretending to be asleep. Otherwise, you will only drag yourself down in the end.

Don’t Change Anyone

A wise person never actively seeks to change others. It can be said that the more a person tries to change others, the more likely they are to drive themselves to collapse.

Schopenhauer once said, “It is easy to hurt others, but it is difficult to change them, even without resistance.” In fact, instead of trying to change others, it is better to seek a way out for your own life. Moreover, when you attempt to change others, have you ever asked yourself whether you have the strength and capability to do so? If not, then trying to change others will only lead to self-inflicted humiliation. Even if you have the ability, if the other person never appreciates it and never needs your help, your warmth and kindness will be in vain.

As Zhang Xiaoxian once said, “If the starting point of a relationship is not about achievement but about change, then this relationship will only cause harm to both parties.” So, don’t think you can easily change others; it’s a foolish idea. Instead of investing time and energy in something with a low probability of success, learn to let go. Then, focus on stabilizing your emotions and mind. By doing so, you can wholeheartedly improve yourself, polish yourself time and again, and ultimately become a genuinely strong and capable person. Only then will life become better.

Don’t Heal Anyone

The poet Gu Cheng said, “The wind shakes its leaves, the grass forms its seeds, and we stand without speaking, and it’s very beautiful.”

In this lifetime, there’s really no need to believe that you can heal others because a person’s ultimate savior is always themselves. The more you try to heal others, the more pressure they will feel. Some people, even if you help them, are often insatiable and lack ambition. They can accept help from others without any psychological burden because they lack self-respect. Such people, even if you have the ability to help and heal them, will only consume and exhaust you. Therefore, do your best, stabilize yourself, and live a better life; that’s enough.