How Meditation Can Help Alleviate Tension in Close Relationships

Tension in Relationships Stems from Perfectionist Expectations

Everyone has flaws. When we point out others’ shortcomings, unless it is with the intent to help, it only adds to the frustration. If there is no intention to assist and no suggestions for improvement, then what is the purpose of criticizing? It only creates unnecessary conflict and tension.

Every monk has their strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, we should not hold unrealistic expectations of perfection toward the monastic community, or toward anyone. Since no one is perfect, the pursuit of perfection will only cause personal suffering and lead to strained or frustrated relationships.

The pursuit of perfection often causes difficulties in relationships, especially in intimate ones. Even if a perfectionist is polite and avoids open conflicts or arguments, their relationships will not be truly warm or genuine.

The Reason For Difficulties

Why is this? Because perfectionists dislike imperfections in people, things, and situations. They are prone to inner conflict and opposition to their environment, unable to truly accept reality. Even if they maintain polite and courteous interactions, both parties are aware that the relationship lacks sincerity.

People are highly sensitive; when we don’t truly accept someone, they can sense it. It’s impossible to hide or fake genuine acceptance, making it difficult to build a relationship based on mutual acceptance.

The key is to let go of our perfectionist expectations of ourselves and the world. People are not perfect, and having flaws is normal. We need to accept our imperfections and understand that others will often excel in areas where we fall short. Otherwise, if we demand perfection in everything and everyone, we may unknowingly spend our entire lives in competition.

What are we competing for? Perfection! Why? Because we hope to be perfect, and we expect our environment to be perfect too. Unconsciously, we demand perfection from the world and from others, which leads to tension in relationships. This tension can manifest not only in arguments but also in dissatisfaction, dislike, or disappointment with our surroundings.

Perfectionism Stems from Insecurity

Perfectionism is, at its core, a psychological issue. It arises from emotional anxiety tied to insecurity, which transforms into excessive demands on oneself and one’s environment, or even compulsive behavior.

For example, a strong desire for control, obsession with cleanliness, anxiety in dealing with real-world situations, unrealistic moral ideals, and a detachment from reality are all signs of psychological stress.

Only by accepting the imperfections in ourselves and our surroundings can we work together with others. Instead of being trapped in anxious comparisons and competition, we can accept our limitations, which allows us to collaborate peacefully with others, solve problems together, and grow collectively.

On the contrary, if we remain stuck in anxiety, we’ll continuously compare, criticize, and reject those around us, or demand that the environment conforms to our needs. This prevents us from recognizing and appreciating others’ strengths, making cooperation difficult and genuine friendships rare. In the end, this behavior leads to poor relationships and a life filled with dissatisfaction and unhappiness, wasting precious time and energy.

Letting Go of Perfectionist Expectations Allows for Healthy Relationships

Only by releasing our expectations of perfection can relationships flourish naturally, and only then can genuine cooperation occur. In this way, relationships become like a garden—a space of harmony, collaboration, and mutual growth.

To achieve this, we must first accept the flaws in ourselves and our environment, and let go of perfectionist expectations. Once we do, we’ll be able to see and appreciate the strengths in both ourselves and others, fostering mutual respect and admiration. This mutual appreciation forms the foundation for harmonious cooperation, which, in turn, leads to shared prosperity and growth.

If you encounter people with whom it’s difficult to collaborate, it’s okay to distance yourself. There’s no need to force a connection. Keep your distance from those whose unresolved issues bring unnecessary obstacles, to avoid needless conflict and misunderstandings.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and each person’s circumstances are unique. Comparing and competing with others is ultimately pointless. In life, it’s far better to seek mutual understanding and cooperation than to foster competition and discord.