How to Practice Mindfulness in Relationships

When we think of mindfulness, we often associate it with quiet, formal practices. This is because we tend to link mindfulness to an inner exercise—which is true to some extent. However, mindfulness is not just about ourselves. When deeply embodied, mindfulness enhances both internal and external awareness, impacting not only us but also our interpersonal relationships.

What is Mindful Relationship?

While it may be tempting to define what a mindful relationship is, it’s more accurate to consider what mindfulness in a relationship looks like. This is because relationships are not static; they are always in motion. At certain moments, they exhibit more mindfulness than others. Due to this dynamic nature, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly degree of mindfulness is needed for a relationship to be considered a “mindful relationship.”

In fact, relationships that demonstrate higher levels of mindfulness tend to display the following qualities:

• Openness:
  Openness in relationships can be defined as the willingness to receive new information about our partner—listening and learning. It also helps us become more honest, authentic, and vulnerable.
• Curiosity:
  Curiosity in relationships goes hand-in-hand with openness. It drives us to explore more, building on the understanding that we don’t know everything—there are many other ideas, perspectives, and experiences to explore and understand.
• Patience:
  When we practice patience in a relationship, we flow with the rhythm of things. We are able to face challenges and emotions, both in ourselves and in others.
• Compassion:
  Another aspect of mindfulness in relationships is compassion. Compassion connects us to the shared humanity we have with others. It helps us be kind, patient, and loving.
• Understanding:
  Understanding doesn’t exist in every moment of a relationship, but when we commit to mindfulness, we genuinely strive to understand. We are willing to expand beyond our personal perspective to see, think, or feel things from another person’s point of view.

It’s worth noting that the term “mindful relationship” is often used in the context of romantic relationships. However, mindfulness can certainly be applied to any relationship we are in. The closer we are to someone, the further mindfulness exploration can take us.

Benefits of Mindfulness in Relationships

In terms of personal benefits, most of us have heard that mindfulness helps reduce stress and anxiety, improves sleep, and supports our well-being in many other ways. Applying mindfulness to our relationships can bring all these benefits and more. For our relationships, mindfulness can:

• Increase Openness and Acceptance:
  Since mindfulness helps reduce stress responses, it makes us more open to accepting our partner. When we are in fight-flight-freeze mode, we can’t fully listen to or respond to others’ emotions or needs. When we shift from a state of stress to one of presence and relaxation, we can more openly listen and learn.
• Enhance Self-Awareness and Awareness of Others:
  Mindfulness can also help us become more aware of our own conditioned beliefs and habitual behaviors. Perhaps we tend to raise our voice with our partner when we are tired, or we feel frustrated when our parents tell us how to raise our kids. Mindfulness increases our awareness, allowing us to start changing how we react. Improved self-awareness also helps us better understand others, giving us more patience during tough times.
• Improve Emotional Regulation:
  Dysregulated emotions negatively affect not only our own well-being but also the happiness of our relationships. When we can better regulate our emotions, we tend to communicate more clearly and with more compassion. This positively impacts our relationships. Additionally, mindfulness reduces reactivity, further improving communication.
• Increase Compassion and Empathy:
  Mindfulness not only helps raise our awareness but also enhances compassion and empathy in the process. When we are compassionate toward others (and when they are toward us), there is more love in our relationships. Moreover, when we practice self-compassion, we better maintain healthy, lasting boundaries.
• Support Difficult Conversations:
  Mindfulness is also a great tool to bring into any difficult conversations we need to have in specific relationships. It allows us to open up, listen, and communicate more clearly and effectively. It helps both sides feel seen, heard, and better understood.

Six Mindful Relationship Habits

Mindfulness in relationships can take various forms depending on who we are and what our relationship requires. There is no rulebook on how you must act to foster a more mindful relationship. That said, if you’re wondering how to be more mindful in a relationship, consider the following six practices. If they resonate with you, adopt them as mindful relationship habits:

1. Express Gratitude
   A rich mindfulness practice is tapping into an awareness of the blessings in our lives. In relationships, we can explore this by expressing gratitude for the people in our lives. Consider writing a letter or expressing your appreciation in person to those you love.
2. Remember to Breathe During Difficult Conversations
   Every relationship goes through difficult times. We cannot avoid them, but how do we adapt? In tough conversations, remembering to breathe, center yourself, and soften your body can help you feel more open and accepting.
3. Put Down Your Phone
   With today’s vast digital network, many things compete for our attention. One simple way to increase presence with a partner or loved one is to pay attention to how much time we spend on our devices. Set aside time each day without your phone. Early mornings and evenings are great starting points.
4. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
   When speaking with another person, are you listening to understand what they are saying or just preparing your response? Mindfulness requires attention, and we can practice this daily by being fully present when someone else is talking.
5. Balance Space and Togetherness
   For those seeking more mindfulness in relationships, another practice is respecting the balance between personal space and togetherness. Especially in intimate relationships, we often focus more on the need for unity. However, attending to the space between us can actually help increase appreciation and love for a partner.
6. Ask More Questions
   Finally, we can enhance curiosity, a principle of mindfulness, by asking more questions to those we have relationships with. What do you still not know about your partner or the person before you? Stay non-judgmental and revel in the mystery and wonder of this unique individual with whom you share a connection.