The Best Way to Eliminate Resentment Is to Learn Gratitude

The Nature of Resentment

There is a saying, “Repay kindness with resentment.” Most people tend to remember grievances rather than gratitude. The kindness we remember is always less than the resentment we harbor, as the old proverb goes: “The human heart is never satisfied, like a snake trying to swallow an elephant.” If someone treats you well, you might wish for even better treatment; or if someone lends you money, you may still think it’s not enough and criticize them for being stingy.

If you have such thoughts, you are someone who does not know how to be grateful and give back. You only want others to give without wanting to reciprocate, and your greed is insatiable. Not only do you resent those who do not benefit you, but you might even resent those who have helped you, failing to appreciate their kindness. This mindset often assumes that the care others give is something you are entitled to; thus, you see the kindness of parents or siblings as merely a given. You might even believe that helping you brings others joy, so their kindness is just a normal thing. Consequently, when others show the slightest sign of indifference, resentment arises.

A person who does not understand gratitude will resent everyone and everything in the world. On a sunny day, they will complain: “The sun is so hot, is it trying to roast me? Why isn’t it raining?” And on a rainy day, they will grumble: “It’s so cold, why isn’t the sun out?” Even if the weather is perfect all year round, they would still complain about the lack of seasonal change. Such people are dissatisfied with the weather, the environment, and other people. It seems that in this world, there is no one or anything for them to be thankful for, as they are always consumed by resentment.

Therefore, ungrateful people will never be satisfied and will always harbor resentment towards others. We should do our best to avoid letting resentment arise. Once feelings of resentment do surface, we need to find ways to resolve them so as not to disturb our inner peace.

The Importance of Gratitude

The best way to eliminate resentment is to view people and situations from a perspective of gratitude. No one can survive in isolation from the world. Living between heaven and earth, we should be grateful for every bite of food, every sip of water, and even every breath of air. With this mindset, feelings of resentment will diminish, or even completely dissolve.

A person’s sense of satisfaction and happiness does not depend on how much they possess or how others treat them, but on their own feelings and perspective. As the Buddhist scripture says, “When the mind arises, all kinds of phenomena arise; when the mind ceases, all kinds of phenomena cease.” All things in the world are created by the mind. If we can cultivate gratitude and contentment, life will be fulfilling. Even if one has nothing, if they can feel satisfied and grateful for a sip of water, a bite of food, or a breath of air, they will live in a world of happiness every day.