The Secret to Success: Control Yourself, Conquer Yourself

“Three-Body Problem” writes: “Weakness and ignorance are not obstacles to survival, but arrogance is.” As the saying goes, birth is easy, life is easy, but living is not easy. Ultimately, the reason why life is not easy is because everyone is prone to stopping their own growth within the mental cage set by arrogance. Whether one is weak or ignorant, as long as they realize this and then control and strive to overcome it, there is the possibility and hope of transformation. However, once a person adopts an arrogant mindset, they become incapable of self-reflection. If one stubbornly clings to their own views and avoids self-reflection, it is equivalent to refusing to acknowledge one’s own problems and shortcomings. Consequently, this leads to a lack of potential for change and triumph. Shi Tiesheng once said, “Life is a process, a process of constantly transcending one’s own limitations, that is fate. Everyone is the same. In this process, we encounter suffering, transcend limitations, and thus experience happiness.” Only by overcoming arrogance can one break free from weakness and ignorance, and transcend limitations. In the process of self-control and self-conquest, one educates and manages oneself step by step, and then, lives a good life.

Self-control lies in controlling emotions.

There is a highly discussed topic online: what is the true sign of a person’s maturity? A deeply resonating response goes: “Even when one’s inner world is turbulent, they can maintain composure on the surface, adjust themselves during low points, and remain true to themselves during high points.” It is evident that individuals with stable emotions tend to have greater fortune in life. The most obvious fact is that the more stable one’s emotions, the less entangled they become with others and with themselves. Consequently, with a broadened heart, a calm mind, and a magnanimous spirit, one naturally becomes more accommodating, finding fewer things disagreeable. Ultimately, with an expansive mindset and broadened horizons, everything one says or does becomes more powerful and efficient, resulting in greater and more abundant rewards. It is no wonder that Napoleon once said, “He who controls his own emotions is greater than a general who conquers a city.” Managing one’s emotions is tantamount to managing one’s life and one’s entire existence. Many people, despite their intelligence and capabilities, often find themselves falling into a deep pit and becoming ensnared in life’s dilemmas simply because they cannot control their emotions at a critical moment. Indeed, one does not suddenly plummet into an abyss; rather, they gradually edge closer to the precipice and then tumble in. Just as a person’s negative energy does not arise out of thin air, but rather through repeated emotional infections and contagions, leading to an insurmountable burden and a habitual tendency to blame others and find fault in everything. When one is filled with resentment and envy, others easily feel distressed, helpless, and even panic-stricken and fearful. The more one is consumed by their emotions, the more they suffer and anguish in life. Because emotions ultimately stem from within and return to the self, they inevitably affect those around them, harming both themselves and others without reaping any benefits. However, many people enjoy living in this manner, ensconced in their own world and their own arrogant self-righteousness, believing that such traits define their individuality and authenticity. Little do they realize that their emotions reflect their worldview. If their worldview is flawed, how can they walk the right path? I wholeheartedly agree with Bruce Lee’s statement: “We must control our emotions and not be troubled by them. Negative emotions will only hinder our studies or career development, which is also a step in understanding oneself.” Those with low-quality emotions are destined to live in a state of emotional volatility, leading to a more agonizing and painful existence. Conversely, those who are adept at restraining and controlling their emotions are constantly nurtured by positive energy and good emotions, ultimately leading a better life.

Conquering oneself lies in conquering desires.

There is a saying: “Changing others is foolish; changing oneself is divine!” The premise of conquering oneself is learning to change. The ultimate goal of changing oneself is to temporarily transcend oneself. Therefore, anyone who aspires to maturity, independence, and strength must constantly remind themselves: conquer yourself. Clearly, the greatest obstacle one encounters in conquering oneself is desire. As Liang Qichao once said, “A person must maintain courage and not be controlled by inferior desires. Once one is pulled in all directions by materialistic and boring desires, even the strongest will become pliable.” Those overwhelmed by excessive and deep-seated desires, no matter how outstanding and excellent they initially appear in various aspects, once they fall into the abyss of desire, their inner strength is utterly unable to resist external forces, and their destruction may occur in an instant. Clearly, a true strong and wise individual is adept at controlling and even conquering desires. Those who emerge victorious in the end are the ones who can conquer their desires. The “Zhuangzi” states, “Those with deep desires have shallow wisdom.” Those with excessive greed and desires will deplete their wisdom and spirituality, ultimately losing their original purpose and opportunities in life. Consequently, when the heart is enslaved by desires and human nature is consumed by them, one ultimately loses everything in the abyss of insatiable desires. Just as recorded in the “Book of Rites,” “Desires should not be indulged, ambitions should not be fulfilled, and pleasures should not be pursued to the extreme.” Everything is best when it is just right. If a person knows how to control their desires, adjust their longings, and moderate their cravings, they can gradually discover the true face of happiness. Laozi said, “There is no greater calamity than not knowing contentment, no greater fault than being consumed by desire.” I greatly admire the quote from the martial arts master and kung fu legend Bruce Lee, who said, “Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.” It can be said that a person who truly understands the nature of desire dares to empty themselves of their desires, and then, with a fresh perspective and broader horizons, pursues new possibilities in life. After all, desires can be categorized as low-level and high-level, and desires themselves have their own hierarchy and levels. If a person can instantly see through and understand any desire, it means that they have mastered the means and methods of controlling and conquering desires. Subsequently, they can live a carefree and contented life.

Returning to life and cherishing the present.

Lin Qingxuan said, “In life, unfavorable events occur ten out of nine times, and the things that make life unfavorable constitute the vast majority. However, after deducting the eight or nine unfavorable occurrences, there is still at least one or two favorable, joyful, and comforting events.” The source of human suffering lies in the fact that the majority of life’s events are unfavorable. However, some people, precisely because they live within the limitations of these “eight or nine unfavorable occurrences,” continually allow themselves to be enslaved by desires, becoming mere tools for desire to play with. Conversely, intelligent and wise individuals do not focus their attention and energy on the “eight or nine unfavorable occurrences”; instead, they skillfully and flexibly turn their attention to the “one or two favorable” occurrences. As a result, they become increasingly satisfied, content, and joyful. Indeed, these one or two favorable, joyful, comforting, content, and happy occurrences are the present, the simple, and the pure things that you possess. Therefore, as a person, learn to return to the present, cherish the moment, control your emotions, manage your mindset, and even conquer your desires. Only then can you achieve simplicity in the grand path, boundless possibilities, live a carefree life, and be content throughout your life.