Using Meditation to Improve Interpersonal Relationships (Part 1)
Confucius said, “Studying alone without friends makes one narrow-minded and uninformed.” This emphasizes the importance of friends. Much of the information or common knowledge we acquire comes from interacting with friends. If a person has no friends and spends all their time in their own world, how can they access information from the outside? When we are troubled or experiencing joy, we need friends to listen or share in our emotions.
How Many Friends Do We Need?
The answer is no more than 150 friends.
Robin Dunbar, after examining a vast amount of historical data, found that from ancient times to modern days, social groups have typically consisted of around 150 people. In the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, it is mentioned that during ancient times, any village would have about 150 people, because without tools like language, it was impossible to maintain a group larger than that. In modern times, a social circle of around 150 people is also considered optimal.
In other words, each person likely has a friend network that does not exceed 150 people. Dunbar’s theory is that human cognitive ability, attention span, and time for cultivating friendships limit the number of friends one can maintain. Beyond 150, mutual understanding becomes extremely limited, making it difficult to strengthen relationships, and even remembering names can be challenging.
Dunbar also discovered that the quality of friendships is more important than the quantity. Having a lot of friends, or too many, does not significantly benefit mental health and can sometimes have negative effects.
How to Make Friends and Improve Relationships?
1.Using Mindful Meditation to Improve Interpersonal Relationships
Why can some people easily make many friends, even close ones, while others find it difficult to meet people, let alone form deep friendships? Often, it is due to bias or misconceptions that prevent people from forming friendships or lead to misunderstandings. If we can correct these biases, it would greatly help us in making friends and handling relationships. Studies show that mindful meditation can reduce our biases toward others and help us approach relationships with a more objective attitude. Here are three ways it can help:
2.Mindfulness Helps Us Understand the Reasons Behind Actions:
Humans have a natural tendency to assume that others’ actions reflect their character traits rather than external factors. Mindfulness helps us remove these preconceived biases and avoid making hasty judgments. For instance, if we understand that a friend’s tardiness might be due to their circumstances rather than personal traits, we can maintain a good relationship and avoid misunderstandings.
3.Mindfulness Reduces Negative Bias:
Negative bias is the tendency to focus on or remember negative experiences more than neutral or positive ones. Bad experiences often overshadow good ones. For example, if you spend a joyful day with a friend but they make a negative remark about your child’s poor grades, that comment can ruin the entire day, affecting your friendship. Mindfulness helps us overcome this bias. Scientific studies have shown that people who practice mindfulness meditation are less affected by negative events.
4.Mindfulness Helps Us View Others Equally:
Another bias is the self-serving bias, where people see themselves as superior to others. This bias leads to elevating oneself while belittling others. For example, if a friend tells you their child got into college, instead of congratulating them, you might say, “Well, my child’s college has a higher ranking.” Mindfulness helps reduce these biased views. Those who practice mindful meditation develop a more balanced perception, reducing such unrealistic attitudes.
Mindful meditation can significantly enhance our ability to interact with others, reduce biases, and foster better interpersonal relationships. It guides us towards a more open and objective understanding of others, thus improving the quality of our social connections.
